it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
