He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
