i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize