craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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