I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
