He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I can't turn off my feet"
I lost the right to judge tonight
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
