she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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