brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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