I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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