Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
