so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
