I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
