I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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