I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
