I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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