is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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