Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
