the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
