Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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