You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
