I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
