then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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