I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
