So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
