Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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