My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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