I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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