well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
