just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
