It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
