Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
