I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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