OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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