she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
