I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
