Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
