I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
