I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
