don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
