i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
