I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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