yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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