why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
