This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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