I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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