Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
