So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
