That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
