Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I need a beard to bite.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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