This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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