Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
