your parents love me but you hate me
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Terrible idea I love it
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
