im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
we made out on top of his cat.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize