I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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