So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
