dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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