flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
