Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
