She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
