I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
