I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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