im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
