I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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