we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
