The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We talked him into tasing himself.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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