I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
