fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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