I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
