biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Even my vagina gasped.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
