Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
